On your mark... get set... Go!

Preschool, High School and College. Alphabet, Prom and Degree. Lets hope we dance through it all and dont get caught in the small stuff along the way!

The start of something new...

Instead of going to NCS this year, we decided to send Gracie to one of my best friends, Sarah. She teaches preschool during the school year and swimming lessons during the summer and Gracie just LOVES her. She has a degree in teaching and once she started her family, decided to only teach preschool out of her house, which she has been doing the past 12 years. She lives literally 3 minutes away and school is still 2 days a week for 3 hours. This week was Gracie's very first week and she enjoyed it very much. She keeps telling me "how hard" it is. They are learning the letter "A" and the color "red" this week. Her first day we had her wear some tennis shoes and socks, and she was not happy to be wearing them one bit. She came home and asked to never, ever have to wear them again. She also prefers to only wear dresses. So, we obliged on Wednesday. We are so very blessed to have such wonderful friends who take us under their wing when needed most. Here are some fun pictures from Gracie's week at school. Enjoy! (Sorry about the camera phone pics... our camera broke before the first day of school! of course!)

Finding the meaning, the light

"Lotus flowers grow from muddy swamps into beautiful symbols of creation & rebirth..."





This year is full of "re-birth" for me. I am still sifting through and reflecting. A lot of meaning. A lot of everything. I am finding my true self, my true meaning. Through the fire, I have been taught something invaluable. I can/have/will get through the dark, to be greeted with light. I believe in myself now more than ever.

Infertility nearly broke my spirit, my marriage, my love. But I came out from under it, holding a miracle. I want nothing more than to be a mother, a wife, a provider to my family. I love children and their meaning... Life goes on. I want, I hurt, to be a mother to more children. I sometimes do not understand why I, can not. To understand would be silly, where would the lesson come from?

Each day I am woken up by the happiest, bright eyed, miracle. I smile, put my running shoes on, and go out to learn. Each trial, smile, tear, giggle, I learn.

My marriage, my love, we walk, we talk, we BELIEVE. Together. Without him, I am lost. Without me, he is lost. We have learned to nuture, to trust, to grow together, to never let go. We may never understand the paths of infertitlity or other trials. But we walk, sometimes run, to the light ahead. Because, through darkness, we find light... the lesson. We also have learned that neither is more important than having eachother.

This year I have learned that for my family to be healthy, happy, I must be healthy, happy. Infertility left many "burns". One, my weight. I gained from the drugs, the bedrest, the "eating for two". Infertility left me depressed long after we triumphed. I had no interest in being healthy, happy. Then God stepped in. The trials that led me to my wake up need not be discussed. I woke up. I needed to listen.... so I did.

Little by little, I realised, I was on this path for a reason. I wasnt left to be forgotten. I was carried and He put me down to teach me to walk. For myself.

9 months later, ironically I know, I have lost all 45 pounds of my "baby" weight after having my baby 3 and a half years ago. Still with 10 pounds more to go until my goal, I have never been happier or healthier. My lesson, learned.

As to a baby, I am still learning. He is still teaching. I am learning he is always teaching, Gracie is teaching me for Him, I to her. It may not ever happen, the baby. But I have learned this year it is His timing, His love for us, that He delivers. He knows what is best for us. He hears me, as I hear him, he listens as I do to him. The lessons are sometimes hard, and hurt. He will always answer, it may not be expected or in ways I wanted, but always for the best.

I know for sure, there will always be light. So I will continue to walk.

Cup run'eth over....

We have been getting back into the schedule of the fast approaching school year. Gracie will have her first day of school on Tuesday, September 8th. Her teacher is Ms. Shaefer, both Gracie, Bobby and myself are anticipating this transition to pre-school to be wonderful. Gracie will be going 2 days a week for 2 hours and 45minutes. She is beyond excited to start at the "BIG kids school". We have many things going on to prepare her for this transition. She has two very BEST girlfriends who also have been going to NCS for the Mom's Day Out program and they all have been told that they are each in their own rooms, with different teachers. Gracie did not handle this well, poor thing is a child of consistency. But as it sits on her, she is accepting it.

Gracie is also learning that her beloved Lala (hold nose now please) will not be joining her at school or leaving this house any longer. Between family, friends and the ever persistant pediatrician, we have to start removing Lala from her life. Which breaks mommy's heart. I know it is for the better, really I do, but I love the attachment she has with her "friend" and I can understand it as I always had my blankie and my parents never took it away. Unfortunately, Gracie uses Lala as a "soother", much like a pacifier, and the poor cotton lamb smells terrible (not even a mother could love this smell), it is constantly moist, and no matter how many times a day (yes, a DAY) I wash and/or bleach and/or boil in vinegar, it still stinks and now leaves a bright red rash on Gracie's cheek and more recently, moving up to her eye. I am sure we are an infection away from it being staph. :( So, stay tuned as we say good-bye to Lala.

Gracie is surprising us DAILY with her new attempts at impressing us. On Friday, she asked to color as she always does, and this time when she was done, a masterpiece was revealed and Bobby and I have NEVER, EVER been so proud. It is so much love it is crazy.

In other Gracie news, she is back in swim (until it gets to cold, you know, December) one day a week, dance on Friday for an hour and gymnastics on Saturday for an hour. She LOVES to stay busy. So between school, and activities, we are finally in a lovely routine that keeps us busy and happy. We look forward to school fieldtrips and class activities, Christmas dance recital and much more. Such exciting things ahead.